i'm thinking of you
day and night
even though you don't speak a word
your voice is still in my head
do you know i think of you everyday?
do you even know my love for you?
In 2002 , when i and yangjun together , when my father know that , he got angry with and scold me , depending on this , he ask me drop off school, then after half of years, i come Singapore , he just wanna me to break any relationship with those guys and girls in Singapore. sigh... more two years passed....
in these two years, i try to close my heart to anybody , especially for guys , one of reason is i got chun hui, and li hao , in the deep place in my heart is xue jia yi , i kept it well , but this year, when i start my new life in rp , i meet him --- li cheng yuan who is a haerbin, he likes play basketball , and he goods at heiguan very well , his personalities is good , and can be accept everything i did , he also has so many hobbies and interests ... when i first time saw him in school library , i don't have any feelings about this chinese guy , but dad by day , time passing fastly, when last time we went to wuming island, he told me that , he likes me from first time in library ... my heart shaking ... and agreed with him to be his girlfriend... that day is 7th of May ... a special day between him and me ... but till now we never celebrate together .!! 7th of June , i am in china, 7th of July i was going to drama rehearsal and we play break off game , 7th of Aug, i accompanied with my mum and brother ... so poor thing , recently i am planning how about next one ---7th of Sep, but that happened to me one more time.......
from i was borned, my father does not allowed me to make any male-friends in my life, but i obey him in a sceret way, and i also know that , my male friends always more than my females' , for me , i don't think it is a bad thing , and i think i am able to control myself , but my dad does not trust me what i say , and also force me to do whatever he asked me to do it .
this noon , after answering father's call , i met chengyuan, and i was trying to say 88, but it is so difficult to say that, in that moment , i realise that i like him from my heart , even i did not say anything about like or love him face to face or in phone, but he is inside my heart already . this afternoon , i am so easy to cry out but i controled my tears .... It is difficult to chose, but also not much so ... lichengyuan said that , i am like the muou , do anything my father asked, no myself'idea, and opinions , and during that time, i realised that, i am not suitable for him , only my appearance to him , not dark skin, not fat , and short hair. but when i asked him " i don't have anything , why "?? he understood what i am trying to say , then told me ," feeling lol..." i don't know i should happy or sad, but i wanna break off with him to be a normal friend ... he also said today he is upset , and he also know we are going to break ...but he just does not want to show me .... sigh ...
now , i am waiting for him in msn , but what will happend later on, i am no idea, and the result or solution is what , i am scare to think and also most difficult ... anyway , i don't know , love is the short-term thing, but future is long-term thing, and also can not obey my father , i want to call cui gu to ask some advices. tomorrow i will call , i am so confused and so upset...
tonight i went back early and i plan to go to bed also earier, i still need deep in thinking .....
sigh .... how ...???????? ???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????DON'T KNOW ?????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Am i happy ? Do i satisfact with everything my father arrange to me ? nobody understand me well .. so do I . :( : (
i say nothing but
i know you know how i feel
im waiting for the day.
wangjing
14th december
republic poly
for you to tell me.
my family especially my father
ice-cream
xjy
bws
that you love me too.
be happy everyday
study hard
