i'm thinking of you
day and night
even though you don't speak a word
your voice is still in my head
do you know i think of you everyday?
do you even know my love for you?
yesterday , when we say : good bye to each other , i saw the tears in his eyes , and i nearly going to cry out , but i bear it. today i called him , chatted for a while, we did not see anything ... maybe i know he miss me , i am so sure that i miss him in this moment , really ... i want to go east cost , to hear the sea , to watch the sea. to feel it ...................................................... and deeping in thinking...
this feeling is bad , the mood is unhappy , i also called to cuigu , she advised me to talk to my father , won't be scare him , just share personal views, and clear it , the relationship between you all will be good and improve....
don't know , i don't know what happend to me , my aunty said , i grew up, from thinking , talking, changed a lot , but in my heart , i felt that, from june holiday i went back till now , everyday i waste my time to go out with him , watch movie or play , did a lot of things , but no any study or learning, i am so sad and unhappy , therefore , i am worry about my future, and my results.... the worst thing is , i realise that i like him .......... :（
i say nothing but
i know you know how i feel
Friday, August 19, 2005
8:35 AM
he came school around 4pm and accompany with me having the meal, and both of us are sitting in the school library , he read books , and i am writing my blog journal , the sound looks like peaceful and nothing wrong , but in our heart are totally different, he told me that he miss me in order to wake up , and he wanted to hear " i miss you too " from me , but i said so cool " is it important ? " :( i don't know , surely don't know , do i miss him or ......
this afternoon , in my blog , i wrote i must learn how to confront with myself without him besides me, but now , i want to face to face to him without say anything , no any reasons ... actually i fear that my dad will coming , and will ask him in order to ...... that is horrible and bad , i fear, really really scare ... i know my father' s personalities ...yesterday i planned that i will go back to China, but in the end i failed !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! who understand ？ maybe it is not a problem, not so difficult to solve, but ............ don't know ... is it call zi zuo zi shou ???
should be .........................
5mfsb==???he knows it and guess it out ... but he does not agree with it ..................
i say nothing but
i know you know how i feel
today he did not come to school , he told me the reason is he felt not good . the heart pain... may be true or may not . don't know , i told myself ,now i must be confront with my new life without him ...
last night , he likes me alot , and don't agree with me to break off ,besides a good reason.
i just laughing ....
today i am fine , no much feeling , no happy , no sadness,
sigh.. o?? nothing ??
lucky girl , only me have a good background to help me in the future. --- my father, i don't wanna appologise to him for having a bf . as it is neccessary and he also does not believe it .. so just keep quiet to everything , to do well in every part , anytime. i have to study hard and find a part-time job to do in my one month holidays ...
otherwise i will die as soon as possible .
ok . start from next term i have to study harder and harder , to proof to anyone ...
even i always say that.....
don't know , i don't wanna force myself , but still have to follow whatever my father ask me to do .... sigh ............
tomorrow i will go temple to prey , and deep in thinking ............................ :(
i say nothing but
i know you know how i feel
Thursday, August 18, 2005
1:09 PM
In 2002 , when i and yangjun together , when my father know that , he got angry with and scold me , depending on this , he ask me drop off school, then after half of years, i come Singapore , he just wanna me to break any relationship with those guys and girls in Singapore. sigh... more two years passed....
in these two years, i try to close my heart to anybody , especially for guys , one of reason is i got chun hui, and li hao , in the deep place in my heart is xue jia yi , i kept it well , but this year, when i start my new life in rp , i meet him --- li cheng yuan who is a haerbin, he likes play basketball , and he goods at heiguan very well , his personalities is good , and can be accept everything i did , he also has so many hobbies and interests ... when i first time saw him in school library , i don't have any feelings about this chinese guy , but dad by day , time passing fastly, when last time we went to wuming island, he told me that , he likes me from first time in library ... my heart shaking ... and agreed with him to be his girlfriend... that day is 7th of May ... a special day between him and me ... but till now we never celebrate together .!! 7th of June , i am in china, 7th of July i was going to drama rehearsal and we play break off game , 7th of Aug, i accompanied with my mum and brother ... so poor thing , recently i am planning how about next one ---7th of Sep, but that happened to me one more time.......
from i was borned, my father does not allowed me to make any male-friends in my life, but i obey him in a sceret way, and i also know that , my male friends always more than my females' , for me , i don't think it is a bad thing , and i think i am able to control myself , but my dad does not trust me what i say , and also force me to do whatever he asked me to do it .
this noon , after answering father's call , i met chengyuan, and i was trying to say 88, but it is so difficult to say that, in that moment , i realise that i like him from my heart , even i did not say anything about like or love him face to face or in phone, but he is inside my heart already . this afternoon , i am so easy to cry out but i controled my tears .... It is difficult to chose, but also not much so ... lichengyuan said that , i am like the muou , do anything my father asked, no myself'idea, and opinions , and during that time, i realised that, i am not suitable for him , only my appearance to him , not dark skin, not fat , and short hair. but when i asked him " i don't have anything , why "?? he understood what i am trying to say , then told me ," feeling lol..." i don't know i should happy or sad, but i wanna break off with him to be a normal friend ... he also said today he is upset , and he also know we are going to break ...but he just does not want to show me .... sigh ...
now , i am waiting for him in msn , but what will happend later on, i am no idea, and the result or solution is what , i am scare to think and also most difficult ... anyway , i don't know , love is the short-term thing, but future is long-term thing, and also can not obey my father , i want to call cui gu to ask some advices. tomorrow i will call , i am so confused and so upset...
tonight i went back early and i plan to go to bed also earier, i still need deep in thinking .....
sigh .... how ...???????? ???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????DON'T KNOW ?????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Am i happy ? Do i satisfact with everything my father arrange to me ? nobody understand me well .. so do I . :( : (
i say nothing but
i know you know how i feel
Wednesday, August 17, 2005
9:09 PM
In 2002 , when i and yangjun together , when my father know that , he got angry with and scold me , depending on this , he ask me drop off school, then after half of years, i come Singapore , he just wanna me to break any relationship with those guys and girls in Singapore. sigh... more two years passed....
in these two years, i try to close my heart to anybody , especially for guys , one of reason is i got chun hui, and li hao , in the deep place in my heart is xue jia yi , i kept it well , but this year, when i start my new life in rp , i meet him --- li cheng yuan who is a haerbin, he likes play basketball , and he goods at heiguan very well , his personalities is good , and can be accept everything i did , he also has so many hobbies and interests ... when i first time saw him in school library , i don't have any feelings about this chinese guy , but dad by day , time passing fastly, when last time we went to wuming island, he told me that , he likes me from first time in library ... my heart shaking ... and agreed with him to be his girlfriend... that day is 7th of May ... a special day between him and me ... but till now we never celebrate together .!! 7th of June , i am in china, 7th of July i was going to drama rehearsal and we play break off game , 7th of Aug, i accompanied with my mum and brother ... so poor thing , recently i am planning how about next one ---7th of Sep, but that happened to me one more time.......
from i was borned, my father does not allowed me to make any male-friends in my life, but i obey him in a sceret way, and i also know that , my male friends always more than my females' , for me , i don't think it is a bad thing , and i think i am able to control myself , but my dad does not trust me what i say , and also force me to do whatever he asked me to do it .
this noon , after answering father's call , i met chengyuan, and i was trying to say 88, but it is so difficult to say that, in that moment , i realise that i like him from my heart , even i did not say anything about like or love him face to face or in phone, but he is inside my heart already . this afternoon , i am so easy to cry out but i controled my tears .... It is difficult to chose, but also not much so ... lichengyuan said that , i am like the muou , do anything my father asked, no myself'idea, and opinions , and during that time, i realised that, i am not suitable for him , only my appearance to him , not dark skin, not fat , and short hair. but when i asked him " i don't have anything , why "?? he understood what i am trying to say , then told me ," feeling lol..." i don't know i should happy or sad, but i wanna break off with him to be a normal friend ... he also said today he is upset , and he also know we are going to break ...but he just does not want to show me .... sigh ...
now , i am waiting for him in msn , but what will happend later on, i am no idea, and the result or solution is what , i am scare to think and also most difficult ... anyway , i don't know , love is the short-term thing, but future is long-term thing, and also can not obey my father , i want to call cui gu to ask some advices. tomorrow i will call , i am so confused and so upset...
tonight i went back early and i plan to go to bed also earier, i still need deep in thinking .....
sigh .... how ...???????? ???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????DON'T KNOW ?????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Am i happy ? Do i satisfact with everything my father arrange to me ? nobody understand me well .. so do I . :( : (
i say nothing but
i know you know how i feel
my mum and qiang already arrived home , and yesterday i also called them... the feeling is ok . fine .
sigh . only 2 more weeks the first term in rp will be ended , what i got and earned ??? not sure , and difficult to figure out , that is poor thing, and also dissappointment , sigh ..
i don't quite sure how to describe my feelings , but one thing i am sure , what i can give back to my father , and how to ................sigh
ok , i wanna write journal , blog , but also don't know what i can write. ......and how ???
i say nothing but
i know you know how i feel
Saturday, August 13, 2005
5:06 AM
sigh .... my mum and brother will go back to china tomorrow , in these few days , happened so many things. like i quarrel with wang qiang , and lost heart in that day , and my mum did some many house-work in that stupid house, i'm so sad .and disappointed. :(
from last friday till yesterday , 5 days i did not see chengyuan, a little bit miss him , and he said that he also miss me so much . whatever i don't know.
today i did nothing neither for my team or myself, waste time on a stupid talk , about training dog.
only 3 more weeks , the first term in rp will be ended , what i can give to my dear father , even sometimes my daily grade is fine , but the UT is so horrible .
sigh ... i really want to deep in thinking , very neccessary !!
good luck and enjoy myself in everywhere and anytime , study !!
i say nothing but
i know you know how i feel
Saturday, August 06, 2005
4:05 AM
hahaha.. so happy .. my mum and younger brother already arrived singapore yesterday morning, i am so excited , i think wang qiang is the same .hehe . in this moment i miss my father ..
this noon , my school come some new people , their teachers in australia universities , i ask several questions , and i am enjoying listen them, they are english is so nice .. pronance is good and loving .. hehe
nothing special to happened, oh .. forget to say , i asked my mum buy the duck to us , i give chengyuan and fuming .. and paocai ..haha ....
ok , enjoy my holidays with my mum and brother ..
i say nothing but
i know you know how i feel
Monday, August 01, 2005
2:29 PM
wah.. only 3 more days , i will see my mum and younger brother in singapore!! i am so happy and excited for this .even i only 1 more months did not see them, but i am still miss them .. i also miss my lovely father , but he quite busy recently , so ... but in my heart he will be there forever ever, so does him.!! haha,.
tomorrow i will go immigration to ask , and prepare any documents .. and book the room for mum and brother .
in these few days, nothing special ..
today i went out with fuming, we met lucy , she looks like old and very tired , very different from , i am so talkative and cheerful , but she is so quiet and upset , don't know why !! and i told her , anytime if she fell lonely or unhappy , just find me , or fuming or both , we can bring a lot of happiness to you !! at least in singapore only her is my good chinese girl friend .
hopeful everyone will happy and cheerful ... haha.. enjoy our days and good luck in study !!
i say nothing but
i know you know how i feel
wah.. only 3 more days , i will see my mum and younger brother in singapore!! i am so happy and excited for this .even i only 1 more months did not see them, but i am still miss them .. i also miss my lovely father , but he quite busy recently , so ... but in my heart he will be there forever ever, so does him.!! haha,.
tomorrow i will go immigration to ask , and prepare any documents .. and book the room for mum and brother .
in these few days, nothing special ..
today i went out with fuming, we met lucy , she looks like old and very tired , very different from , i am so talkative and cheerful , but she is so quiet and upset , don't know why !! and i told her , anytime if she fell lonely or unhappy , just find me , or fuming or both , we can bring a lot of happiness to you !! at least in singapore only her is my good chinese girl friend .
hopeful everyone will happy and cheerful ... haha.. enjoy our days and good luck in study !!
i say nothing but
i know you know how i feel
im waiting for the day.
wangjing
14th december
republic poly
for you to tell me.
my family especially my father
ice-cream
xjy
bws
that you love me too.
be happy everyday
study hard
