i'm thinking of you
day and night
even though you don't speak a word
your voice is still in my head
do you know i think of you everyday?
do you even know my love for you?
after second meeting , chengyuan asked me go out , he wanna say something to me ..... ..... .... from what he said to me , i noticed that , he love me more than i love him and he said that he is able to do anything as me , and can change a lot .. the reason is he love me and don't wanna lose me ..... i know it , and fell it ~~~
anyway , i give the chance to us , hopeful we can be very well day after day !!
whatever continue or give up , wblforever has gone ~~ truely gone!!!
good luck and happy and enjoy myself ...
i say nothing but
i know you know how i feel
Wednesday, July 27, 2005
1:23 PM
" do you like me ? compare to fuming , who is the most improtant person in your heart ? him or me ??" "this is unfair , you and him is different backgroud , how i should compare and answer you !!" " just answer to me , don't concerning the relationship between us and yours ?" i kept quiet for a while .. " ok , i got it , your answer already ! no need to say anything. oh no ! i changing my mind !!" then i looked at him .. and also got a reflection from last words! he wanna break up with our !" ................. this is all what chengyuan and me talked about ....
like the rj question1!who is the most improtant person in my heart ! the answer is course is fuming!!! before chengyuan came into my life , when i was happy , fuming share my happiness , when i was in trouble , he helped me , when i was upset and angry , he will always beside me , give me support and confidences !! he is my best male friends in singapore and in my life! nobody can instead of him , of course my family can !!!
chengyuan and me just keep quiet , he said that he is sad , when he heard that i always go out or closer to my male friends ,and he can bear it anymore ! he said i did a little bit over , and quite different from his past girl-friends ! i just listend to him . i don't know what i was thinking about in that moment , maybe i thought in my heart only xuejiayi inside , nobody else ! maybe i thought he doesn't understand me well or i felt funny and confused ,what's up today ? from noon till after school , we talked this two times , maybe in the few days we will really break up , maybe not , i don't know , really don't know !!!
when i back home , i chatted with lihao , i lied to him and told that , chengyuan and me are fine , and said that chengyuan treat me very well,.. this is all true , butmy purpose is to let them and let them fell sad !!! am i cool ? no .... yesterday ,chengyuan scolded me depending on them, in that moment , my heart is hurtted and sad ....but now is fine!! today i used a very suitable msn nick name : happiness , i already tried to find out , i always thought that my happiness should be like that , and in that moment , but i confused , am i correct ? i am looking for happiness or the mimir of it ?? don't know ??
let me thinking a lot of things beyond this !! ........................
i say nothing but
i know you know how i feel
Tuesday, July 26, 2005
4:49 AM
23th and 24th of july , this weekend is quite specail , i would not go out with my friends , whoever fuming or chengyuan, none of them .. i stayed at home to revise my enterprise skill module and chated with online friends .
last week , i always confuse what i can prepare or revise for my module , i felt lost , but this weekend , i finally realized that i can solve and overcome any problem by my own , just to try it , not difficult , simple as that ! haha .. it is i used for my msn nickname! so i am happy and satify with myself now , of course i also enjoy it . haha....*_*
why last weekend is special , as i saw them four besides chunhui , i saw wangwenjun , jiajianbin and lihao .! they changed a lot , they also felt that i changed a lot . while we chatting , i lied to them, any words i said , betray myself and not from my heart , but one thing i am so happy , which is i done it , i never felt that i am excited to see them !! i quite sure that , i look dowm them! them four already became one of parts of my personaly histroy book , and i ingore it . haha ... lihao told me a funny thing , he said that: i wanna see you , but i still fell sorry to see you " i laughed away hahaha .... funny !! if it is happend in the past i will happy and be influenced a lot ,but now i am different me from past , excepts funny and ugly ,nothing else .. haha ... ai.. for them just like this enough , i won't over it and i won't let the histroy come true again !! haha
wah .. i am so happy , today i understand and done the vb worksheet very fast and understand most of those . haha , as lichengyuan so sad about this .. but i can do it ..
my mum and my younger brother will come singapore to visit me next week , so excitting , and happy !! miss them , and my father , i promised my father i will take some photo about rp and send him ..haha ..
enjoy myself in everywhere and anytime !!!1
i say nothing but
i know you know how i feel
Thursday, July 21, 2005
2:26 PM
what happend to me ?? why the whole day i was so bad-templed!! i scolded him few times , and ignore him .. more or less i tired with him , wanna break up .!!! but in the end i try to calm down and sent message to me . the reason is maybe nearly period !
tonight , i chatted with my " old friends" -- li hao and chun hui , the feeling is special , not excited and not sad , when we talked , i just show them i was exciting to see them and miss them , but in my heart , they are not very important any more . just like normal friends. i recalled so many things about us , i was so funny !!and stupid !!
but now , around 11plus , happy !!! as my younger brother and mum will come singapore to visit me, my dad also happy with the good result .... haha... happy happy ...
everyday is the same, do worksheet, precentation , powerpoint . and eat , sleep , nothing special and excited , quite boring , my life changed a lot , and my personalities also changed a lot , i don't know whether is good or no , but i know i don't feel very satisfly what i did ..and feel very empty in my life. how do i change this ? don't know ? maybe i am in trouble and i confused ...
ai.....ai...ai....ai...ai... today , after school i brought him to go temple with me , i preied for my family and myself , a mi tuo fo!!! good luck to me and my family !! ai...
try to make my life more meaningful and fun .. .. happy is most improtant part to me!!!!
i say nothing but
i know you know how i feel
Sunday, July 17, 2005
2:39 AM
i don't wanna go out , whatever where , i wanna studay , but i don't know where i should start , i confused , and lazy to do anything , and just have a good rest , am i sleepy or tired?? no ... actually no , i am not ,this few days , i went bed quiet earlier , and slept well .
i don't wanan stay at home without do anything . it is waste my time and i am also not happy , what'wrong with me ??? study ?? chat ?? no .. or go out with kiki ??? or later on i will go out with anxin , i don't know ? i really don't know .... i don't know , .......................
i hate myself , so tuifei ..........tuifei ai.... but how ? what i can do ?i don't know ?
i say nothing but
i know you know how i feel
Thursday, July 14, 2005
2:07 PM
wah , this week i am quite free, every day i went back home much earily than past few weeks , but stay at home nothing can do, just chat with people or do a little translation work ,quite boring, but if i don't go home early , stupid aunty will tell my father , very big month ~~~
this coming saturday , all of cast and crews will go helmi's house to celebrate our perforance , ... hopeful we all will enjoy it .
so boring , between aunty ,qiqi ,and huanhuan we so long time did not gather together , so the feelings quite strange and not confrotable .i don't know why ??
anyway , happy with myself ..
i say nothing but
i know you know how i feel
Tuesday, July 12, 2005
6:03 AM
so tired , extremely tired ... sleep , i wanna sleep ....
so headache!!! today's problem is about the probabilities , it is the weakness part of my maths... then how ?just wait for my teammates to do ,then we precent.. boring and i am not happy !!! as i forgot so many things about my maths , so horrible , and sad !! ai...
from today till Sep. i must study harder and harder, otherwise i will get a low grade in my first term study .. that's poor, and will let my father down. i must my time well , effectively , i still have 6 chances to resave myself ,and two more UT can help me .. so what i suppose to do , and what i must to do , i need to think about them seriously !! in july , the month, i got extra work besides my school study , --to help qingrui translate the documents..!!! it is a big challenge , and also can practise my english !! haha.....
good luck take a good care of myself , happy everyday
i say nothing but
i know you know how i feel
Sunday, July 10, 2005
4:19 PM
wah . finally we end with our performance --- Redhill Blues..!! we done it . tonight is wonderful and unforgetable....
we are special , we are different , we are wonderful , nobody can instead of us , instead of our experiences and feeling , we excied , enjoy it , and we sad too ,as it is end tonight ...
we all prove ourselves , we all proud of our own !!!! noboby can understand what kinds of feeling we have , we are tired , but we can not sleep . .. why?? only we know it ...
for myself , i really really experienced and learned and enjoyed it ... and very happy , proud of me ...
i say nothing but
i know you know how i feel
wah . finally we end with our performance --- Redhill Blues..!! we done it . tonight is wonderful and unforgetable....
we are special , we are different , we are wonderful , nobody can instead of us , instead of our experiences and feeling , we excied , enjoy it , and we sad too ,as it is end tonight ...
we all prove ourselves , we all proud of our own !!!! noboby can understand what kinds of feeling we have , we are tired , but we can not sleep . .. why?? only we know it ...
for myself , i really really experienced and learned and enjoyed it ... and very happy , proud of me ...
i say nothing but
i know you know how i feel
wah . it is unbelieveble, i proud of myself , i prove myself and prove to everyone , i done it ... when they celebrate to us , i cried , i never experienced this before , i am excited and i miss my family again . ...
before the show , i miss family , and i sent a message to my father , he called me " do you best ! baba support you ".. and i also want to call chengyuan , but my handphone summit to wan cheng .??!!
during the show , i was trying to do well and i think i did it !!!!
after the show , i miss family again , i sent my father again , and told him , i done it ,and i cry because of i proud of myself ... then my father call me again : me too , happy and proud of you ..."
the feeling is very difficult to decribe , but anything is in my heart , only me understand....
for this one hour show , i just went back china for one week , for this show , my father got angry with me , as he worried about me , as everyday i go home very late ... for this i am tired , and i wanna sleep ......
everything will be end this evening , but i will remember this special event in my life as long as i can ....
....................good luck , today still try my best to do.. trust myself .... keep it up!!!!
i say nothing but
i know you know how i feel
Friday, July 08, 2005
11:15 PM
haha... when i finished my blog last night, just after few mins , i received a message from him , so touching... he said that " he remember that day which we first go out , after one month , i am beside him , after two months , same thing happend to us . i try to do well ,and keep it up. hopeful you know , now is the 8th of July, enjoy your day ..." when i saw this message , i just smile , and i replied " xixi.. i am waiting for the message from you , from this morning till now ..i understand so much things . thank for this game , and we end it , ok ?" hehe , yeah.... hehe..
this morning , i call him to wake up, the feeling is quite strange , and i am not comfortable of that .. don't know .. anyway , keep it up and control myself .... in everywhere and anytime...
this evening is the first drama show time , try to remember all of the scene ,and do well , my family support me in the heart , especially i will send a message to my father , he will encourage me ... ok ... i will call my family this coming sunday... hehe .. to tell them my experience about the drama ..
i say nothing but
i know you know how i feel
wah.. today is first day of our drama show , i am excited and disappointted , as my first show my family members can not come down to watch and support me , but i know all of them support me inside ..
today is speical , we together 2months celebration, but he did not niether send me the message nor call me , ai. don't know what's he thinking about ? anyway i don't care this so much ..
today when we run the rehearsal, at that moment , i cried out , as i miss my home ,my father , my mother .... everyone in my family i miss .....just bear it .. no choice ..
well , no wonder , i spent so much time on my drama show , i will try my best to do well during the show , trust myself , and good luck , happy also....
i say nothing but
i know you know how i feel
Thursday, July 07, 2005
5:22 AM
no!!! my english is poor , super poor , we change the team again, in my new team , they all are talents and good at any module , like agril , sasa , yati ,and shama , only me is the worst one .. so upset , i quite to help our team to slove the problem , and i try to understand well ,but ... i realized that the lever of my english is quite low.... i ......
recently i am quite busy in my drama show , rehearsal .... for me , i must plan my time effectively in order to i have enough time to revise my study... otherwise the remain two ut , i will die..... i can not let my father down . same as myself ...
ai... hopeful after this week , i will be more free , and have a good rest , then i am able to do my mean task well .....
i say nothing but
i know you know how i feel
in these few days , i miss chengyuan very much , before the game started , i was so confident in win this " special game " , but now i know i have failed already ... i was unhappy in the last two days .. yesterday afternoon , i saw him at canteen , we said nothing to each other , we just busy with our own thing . at that moment i am quite sad , i wanted to call him , but i controled myself ... so upset ..... i chated with myself by using the qq ... to share my feelings....
this morning is nothing special , till the girl came to my class to find her honey , she pass me the MM food , and told me that " kiki give to you " , i am so happy to hear that .." and i sent a message to him " thanks , your MM :)".nothing else , anyway he doesnot reply me . anyway i will keep going to play this "game"!!!
i read a very good message , they said :" if you keep quiet , no one understand what you are thinking about ? if you keep quiet , no one be able to hurt you ! if you keep quiet , no one knows you already failed , you still be you own , still have the self-respect and space...
i like this... good luck ... haha...
i say nothing but
i know you know how i feel
Tuesday, July 05, 2005
4:39 AM
ask :" hi.. wangjing , are you happy today ? real happy ?" answer :" just so so , don't know , maybe?" ask" why ? and what's up ?" answer" maybe as my vb module or him ?? "
why ? i asked............. is he important ? no . of course no . he is not xuejiayi , he is not chun hui , he is nothing in my life !! sure ?? no idea , why i become like this , so bad , so stupid, can not like that , otherwise i will be do the same thing as so long time ago...with yangjun ,with chunhui ..can not !!!!!!!!
i want to know how about chengyuan's feeling . is he happy ? is he ok ? fine ? or is he feel nothing special and enjoy his life? no idea. i must win this compotion!and this game ?
maybe i am stupid and borning . but i just to ensure which level..... and for what else purpose? no idea...
maybe after this week , we will be true seperate , and break down ... maybe we will be more.................................... don't know !!
anyway , good luck , and happy everyday , do well in school and comming production show !!!
this moring when i saw the rain storm , i scared , and in that moment i called him and told him , the feeling like the movie --- war of the world !!!
ai.... what happend to me ?????????????????????????????????????
i say nothing but
i know you know how i feel
Sunday, July 03, 2005
6:32 AM
in these few days , i am very tired , and not happy , if someone asked me the reason , i just smile , as i also want to know why i look like that .. don't have any specific answer ? the relationship between him and me becomes bad , i lost the confident , and i really wanna break down it . he doesnot understand me well , and most of time , i felt very tired , and the personalities of us , are quite different , so i want to talk to him ....
i gave him so many chances, but he never used and accepted , next week is the show week , everyday i will go cityhall ,that means , we won't go home together anymore , i will use that period to think about it , if still can't , i will tell him on 7th of july , --- 2months!!!!!
hahahahahaaaa................................... control myself and good luck ....
i say nothing but
i know you know how i feel
in these few days , i am very tired , and not happy , if someone asked me the reason , i just smile , as i also want to know why i look like that .. don't have any specific answer ? the relationship between him and me becomes bad , i lost the confident , and i really wanna break down it . he doesnot understand me well , and most of time , i felt very tired , and the personalities of us , are quite different , so i want to talk to him ....
i gave him so many chances, but he never used and accepted , next week is the show week , everyday i will go cityhall ,that means , we won't go home together anymore , i will use that period to think about it , if still can't , i will tell him on 7th of july , --- 2months!!!!!
hahahahahaaaa................................... control myself and good luck ....
i say nothing but
i know you know how i feel
im waiting for the day.
wangjing
14th december
republic poly
for you to tell me.
my family especially my father
ice-cream
xjy
bws
that you love me too.
be happy everyday
study hard