for you will never be replaced;

Wednesday, June 22, 2005
6:06 AM

why??? why father got angry with me ??? why he did not believe me what i am thinking ...??? is that true i let him down , and i did my thing wrongly ??? i quite confuse and upset ....

last night -- 20th of june , a very special and unforgetable day ... when i was on the bus to home , i received a call from my father , he asked me" where are you ? and i fell that in these few days , your behavior quite special and very different from past ....? " i answered to him very carefully .. when i arrived home in 15mins , my aunty gave me a speech , she communicated with me , and also told me " how the parents worry about me as i am a girl, and what was happening last week and why i always came home late..? i just keep my quiet and tried to answer well.. suddenly my father called me again ...

" firstly , told me " everyday when you drama cca end ? why you always come home late ? why that "brother" could get up very early to pick you to airport? what's his purpose to do that? and why you go out for finding the job ? ...?????? and when you in lanzhou , i felt that why you changed so fast , it is very different from nornal way as you ??? i don't want to let you unhappy as you only stayed one week , so i beared ... but now .. i am quite angry !!!" a lot of questions my father asked me .when i listened , i was crying ....and crying ... i am so upset !!! it was not because my father got angry with me , i regret , it was because why my father did not understand me ????!!!!

in my heart , from 18th of Apr. when i first day in rp , whatever i did , i want to show my father and everyone in our life , my father will proud as me , so that , i became very sociable and more confident to do everything well , rp is the goverment school , so we have the cca can chose , and experinece a lot of thing which in private school we don't have .. therefore i became very busy , and i made a lot of friends . for me , i think it is not bad things .. since i was borned, my father planned everything for me , so i did not have much things to worry about ,only study is my serious and improtant job , sometimes i thought , i want to stand up and i want to plan something by myself and give my father a happy suprise , however i failed ... when he asked me , i just cried , something like my heart was broken by him . he planned my future also , and told me that , and he said the beginning of you thought is correct , but he no need that surprise, thanked for me ... and he said he angried only because why that man " qing rui ge " picked me to airport ??? he did not believe that qingrui ge treat me as his younger sister , i was so disappointment to know that ...

this moring when i got up , i am unhappy and ask myself , did all these are my fault ? and what i did wrongly , i changed my personalities to be more cheerful ,and more brave to try new things , all of these i did wrong? i found a job is not for money , i want to earn experiences , but unfair , my father did not trust me and did not support me , very improtant thing is he did not understand me . i went to temple to prey for me , my father and my all family members ... my father called me again , he said " maybe last night i so bad charactor to talk to you , can you understand me as a father ? and what you should do , i think you know well and hopeful you can do much better and don't let me again , you know that how much i expected to you ??" i cried again , it is so difficult to describe my feeling in that moment , even though he scolded and misunderstood me , i also miss him , i want to talk to him face to face , and tell him what is my thinking from 18th of Apr... a lot of thing i want to share with him and hopeful he can give me the comments , are not just scold me .~~~

maybe coming july or august , my father and wangqiang will come singapore , i must to prapare what i want to communicate with him .. and from now on, i must spend much my time on study , and to do everything well in study , only one thing i did , my father will happy , simple as that " get good result in school and to do everything must under his control !!!" in these few days , i waste much time with chengyuan , i regret.. because of him , i lost my best friend in singapore -- fuming , as him , so long time i did not touch my book and i let my father down !!! i don't quite like him , so i must control myself , and think about what i should next step seriously , and the relationship between him and me.. a lot of things i should plan ..

thank for god , my father planned a good future to me , i am only one girl in his life , he treat me much well than wangqiang , he expect me much more than wangqiang , he gave me much more chanced and love than wang qiang , so i much do everything well and be a proud to him ...

next week , the new school term will start , the comments my teach give me is good and encourage me well , so i must keep it up and do much much well , i believe i can do , as i am daughter of wang jin ming !!!

thinking about it and plan .... but in my heart , i quite want to know where i made mistakes , just because i came home late , or my thinking is stupid or i am still young ??? i really want to share with my father , after these two days , maybe this coming saturday , i call him outside , and tell him what i am thinking and what i was confused .. hopeful he won't get angry with me and give me the comments ... my father is the god in my heart , in my life . only him i most respected and listen to !!!~~~!!!!

ok ~~~~~~~

i say nothing but
i know you know how i feel