i'm thinking of you
day and night
even though you don't speak a word
your voice is still in my head
do you know i think of you everyday?
do you even know my love for you?
yesterday evening when i finished the drama practise , i was waiting for mrt train , i received a call which from my father . it was unforgetable , i miss my father so much !!! he said " previously i scold you , it was because i am quite worry about your safety , and as my daughter, you must know what you can do and what you should do ? you want to find a job to do , why i did not agree, whatever i am doing now , that all for you in the future , but you never understand me ? " i cried out ... then he said that he want to me to treat him as my best friend in my life " second time i cried out .. " i miss and worried about my daughter" my father nearly to cried out , he controed!! i understand .！！！~~~ the feeling is difficult to decribe , any words my father told me on the phone , all of those from the heart !! it was first time i understand my father well!!~~~ i was crying all the time ....
therefore i quite miss him ...... my loving father !!!
i say nothing but
i know you know how i feel
Wednesday, June 29, 2005
5:03 AM
what happen to you ？ nothing actually , but i felt unhappy , just in a few minutes , and without any reasons. maybe i am unhappy with my teamwork , i did nothing for my team today , just second school day ~~!! maybe because of drama preview, we saled a few of tickets , and during the preview time , chengyuan watched us , i felt that embrass (spelling wrong ). i thought " this is my first time to act , and be in the performance. try myself to do well , my family members , especially my father will pround and happy as me " so ... i thought i did well. however , when i bought a melo to him , he said nothing to me , enjoyed his drinking and laughing ... is it a reason couse me unhappy ? not sure , no idea for this....
suddenly i felt he is not suitable for me , i want to break down our relationship , and be a normal friends , how i should to tell him ? or do i need to think about it again ? or maybe i make this decision just in this moment ? or , will me after while i will be ok ? fine ? happy ?
anyway , i can not be like this , and try to cheer up , otherwise later our presentation i won't do well , and then how ? still will not happy !!!
like shiwei said " now , please don't work first , you must study english first , then i find job and do well , may be i think about this first ...
so much things need me to think seriously , and plan well .... ok , good luck # happy everyday ---wang jing ~~!!
i say nothing but
i know you know how i feel
Monday, June 27, 2005
7:56 AM
now , i am stay at "home" . this moring i revised my programming course , the vb!! my god , the vb code is quite difficult to write , especially the problem 7, the four colours !! around the lunch time , i just overcome 60% , then i decided that i must to ask my teacher tomorrow !! oh ya !! tomorrow the school start!!!
in this first rp holiday , i am happy , excited and sad in the end! i enjoyed myself in lanzhou -- my home !!! and since i was back , i also happy with my drama practise , sometimes just a little bit tired , but till fun and interseting!! but nearly to end my holiday , two bad things happend to me , one is my father don't understand me well and worry about me again !!~~ another should be , i lost my best friend --- liu fu ming !!! yesterday morning we chatted with each other in mac , and he asked me to give him freedom , and mentioned that we can not be a friend anymore , i am quite sad because this !!! ai .....
tomorrow everything will be new and refresh , my school open , everyday i have to go to school , same as before 18th of Apr, hopeful i will enjoyed my school life in rp ,and try to do everything well in rp , even though i am quite unhappy to fail the event leader in ISC, but i still have my own confident , and trust myself ~~~!!!
anyway , good luck to myself !!!
keep my good work in school !! everyday is a nice day , and do well everything !!!
jing ..
i say nothing but
i know you know how i feel
Friday, June 24, 2005
10:55 PM
from monday till now , my father called me everyday , and he told that he can not sleep during the night , he quite worry about me , especially qingrui ge , and by using the 98504642 this contact number , he asked so many times to change the number, i will do that in the coming saturday , that means tomorrow !!! yesterday i was on the way to school , i sent a long message to my father , mensioned a lot of things about me ,when the school started on 18th of Apr. but finally he did not encourage me , he still worry about .... and i sent again to promise i will do everything well to proof myself as your wangjinming' s daughter !!! he did not reply ... in these few days , i fell quite stress ,and uphappy , nobody understand me , previously is fuming , but now everything changed so fast , and he is not my friend anymore.. in my heart i know and understand why my father think that , but i also want that he can trust me , and support me anytime i need in !~~ ai ...
like just i say , everything changed so faster than planning , i want to revise school work , but no time to do so , i upset and stress as this , but the responisibities of drama also improtant .. ai ! what i can do now , i don't know , and confused a lot of ......
i am not sure what he su ping told my father on phone , because my father asked me , why the "brother " picked you to airport , and why he hided himself before you go down to the ground floor ???" ai .... don't know . and he said" if you no money please let me know ..!!!! so horrible and sad to hear these things from my " dad" i ....
23 and 24th of june , i attened the camp in school ,and during the night i nearly to die ,so cold ... ai...
i know everything happend to me , it is all because kiki!!!
i say nothing but
i know you know how i feel
Wednesday, June 22, 2005
2:58 PM
wah.. nothing special anymore.. in this afternoon ,i did not talk to much to anyone , and i cried again when i saw kiki ,and i sent message to fuming ... now i understand and know well , what i should do next , and how much effort i have to put in , i must think seriously ...
ok , now , i don't ask anyone why my father don't understand me , today qingrui ge called me , and ask me " when i am free , he wants that i can help him to redo the coffee bank , and hope i can give him some advice..?? " i want to try that , and i don't think that will be a bad things , so that ,i won't let my father know , but i must be careful to do everything, some bad must not happen to me .....
ok ,, good night wangjing , tomorrow everything will be all right , do you best ... trust yourself ...
i say nothing but
i know you know how i feel
why??? why father got angry with me ??? why he did not believe me what i am thinking ...??? is that true i let him down , and i did my thing wrongly ??? i quite confuse and upset ....
last night -- 20th of june , a very special and unforgetable day ... when i was on the bus to home , i received a call from my father , he asked me" where are you ? and i fell that in these few days , your behavior quite special and very different from past ....? " i answered to him very carefully .. when i arrived home in 15mins , my aunty gave me a speech , she communicated with me , and also told me " how the parents worry about me as i am a girl, and what was happening last week and why i always came home late..? i just keep my quiet and tried to answer well.. suddenly my father called me again ...
" firstly , told me " everyday when you drama cca end ? why you always come home late ? why that "brother" could get up very early to pick you to airport? what's his purpose to do that? and why you go out for finding the job ? ...?????? and when you in lanzhou , i felt that why you changed so fast , it is very different from nornal way as you ??? i don't want to let you unhappy as you only stayed one week , so i beared ... but now .. i am quite angry !!!" a lot of questions my father asked me .when i listened , i was crying ....and crying ... i am so upset !!! it was not because my father got angry with me , i regret , it was because why my father did not understand me ????!!!!
in my heart , from 18th of Apr. when i first day in rp , whatever i did , i want to show my father and everyone in our life , my father will proud as me , so that , i became very sociable and more confident to do everything well , rp is the goverment school , so we have the cca can chose , and experinece a lot of thing which in private school we don't have .. therefore i became very busy , and i made a lot of friends . for me , i think it is not bad things .. since i was borned, my father planned everything for me , so i did not have much things to worry about ,only study is my serious and improtant job , sometimes i thought , i want to stand up and i want to plan something by myself and give my father a happy suprise , however i failed ... when he asked me , i just cried , something like my heart was broken by him . he planned my future also , and told me that , and he said the beginning of you thought is correct , but he no need that surprise, thanked for me ... and he said he angried only because why that man " qing rui ge " picked me to airport ??? he did not believe that qingrui ge treat me as his younger sister , i was so disappointment to know that ...
this moring when i got up , i am unhappy and ask myself , did all these are my fault ? and what i did wrongly , i changed my personalities to be more cheerful ,and more brave to try new things , all of these i did wrong? i found a job is not for money , i want to earn experiences , but unfair , my father did not trust me and did not support me , very improtant thing is he did not understand me . i went to temple to prey for me , my father and my all family members ... my father called me again , he said " maybe last night i so bad charactor to talk to you , can you understand me as a father ? and what you should do , i think you know well and hopeful you can do much better and don't let me again , you know that how much i expected to you ??" i cried again , it is so difficult to describe my feeling in that moment , even though he scolded and misunderstood me , i also miss him , i want to talk to him face to face , and tell him what is my thinking from 18th of Apr... a lot of thing i want to share with him and hopeful he can give me the comments , are not just scold me .~~~
maybe coming july or august , my father and wangqiang will come singapore , i must to prapare what i want to communicate with him .. and from now on, i must spend much my time on study , and to do everything well in study , only one thing i did , my father will happy , simple as that " get good result in school and to do everything must under his control !!!" in these few days , i waste much time with chengyuan , i regret.. because of him , i lost my best friend in singapore -- fuming , as him , so long time i did not touch my book and i let my father down !!! i don't quite like him , so i must control myself , and think about what i should next step seriously , and the relationship between him and me.. a lot of things i should plan ..
thank for god , my father planned a good future to me , i am only one girl in his life , he treat me much well than wangqiang , he expect me much more than wangqiang , he gave me much more chanced and love than wang qiang , so i much do everything well and be a proud to him ...
next week , the new school term will start , the comments my teach give me is good and encourage me well , so i must keep it up and do much much well , i believe i can do , as i am daughter of wang jin ming !!!
thinking about it and plan .... but in my heart , i quite want to know where i made mistakes , just because i came home late , or my thinking is stupid or i am still young ??? i really want to share with my father , after these two days , maybe this coming saturday , i call him outside , and tell him what i am thinking and what i was confused .. hopeful he won't get angry with me and give me the comments ... my father is the god in my heart , in my life . only him i most respected and listen to !!!~~~!!!!
ok ~~~~~~~
i say nothing but
i know you know how i feel
Tuesday, June 21, 2005
3:57 AM
only one week my school will start , i want to revise what i have learned in last term , but i can not concentrate on this ... i don't know what happend to me , and in my heart i quite worry about myself .. is it because i really like him or ... not sure
yesterday both of us went to singapore zoo and enjoyed ourselves , when he picked me to my home , he asked some questions between us , like " do you like me ?and why ? and he told me , he likes a girl whose charactor as me... i don't know .....
and today i am quite free. as helmi cancerd drama practise , so this afternoon i am free and i will go library and read books ... hopeful tonight when i back , i can plan my time ,as next week the school will start , so i have to and i must prepare and revise.... it is very serious....
this comming saturday and sunday night , i will go my first job , i hope i can learn and experience what i really expected .... haha ..
ok , now i will go out and enjoy my day with them....
good luck and plan my own things：study and have a good brake ..... haha
i say nothing but
i know you know how i feel
Saturday, June 18, 2005
2:35 AM
why ??? why this kind of things happend to me again , i confused and i am in big trouble , i don't want to hurt anyone in my life , but fuming .... fuming' s personalities very similar with chunhui , we treat each other as the best friends , but i know and i can fell that he likes me very much , howerver from last year till yesterday , he did not say anything . yesterday when he heard that li chen yuan is my boyfriend , he was unhappy and upset , i found from his appearance .. i tricked him , i am not li chenyuan 's girlfriend , in fact i am .... this moring , i received a message from fuming, he said that he wants to meet me tonight , and tell me his decision , but i replied " fuming , i really don't want lose a best friend in my life like you , i don't want to hurt you , but i really really can't tricked you , because i don' t like you , i just treat you as my long-life friend, please call me , we can chat with each other on the phone , then next time , when we meet , we will be more free and relax.. can ?" i know he destracted by me , whatever his study and life !!!
this kind of things happend to me angin , first time was happend on 2003 in chenggong's school , the " main actor" is me , yangjun , and chunhui !!" so long time not happend... just after one year happend to me again ........ is it my fault ? is it my problem ? is it my mistake ? is it because my personalities ? i always tell other people , i love make friends with guys , but how ????? what happend ???? ai ... i fell tired and upset .... in the end i will lose my best friend --- chunhui !! fuming !!! i ..................................
hopeful nothing bad will happend between me and fuming , we can still be a best friend ...... very expected ...
this few days , i extremely tierd and busy , from 2pm - 7pm i had to go to school for my drama production practise , after this , i went to two public speech, and went to job interview , so happy .... as yesterday i went to my first job trainning ......., finially i have my first job , i image that one day i save much money , then i can buy a gift to my father , that one will be very special , as i used my own money ......
in this moment , fuming sent me a message , he said that he will break out our relationship ..... i want to cry .... really i want to cry , suddently i lose my best friend in my life ...... how ????????????????????????????
now , i go out , i need deep in thinking , and preapre and replan my life , study ........everything about me !!!
unhappy...unset , i want tell chengyuan , can we break out ..??? it will fair to fuming and myself , as i don't like him , but i lose my best friend because of chengyuan ..........
i say nothing but
i know you know how i feel
Tuesday, June 14, 2005
4:50 PM
wah .!!!!!!!!!! so happy .... excited... hopeful .......
last whole week , i stayed at lanzhou , everyday saw my family members , like younger aunty , sister , and i attended my brother wedding day , this was my first time to experience this kind of thing ... when i came back , yesterday i watched a movie which about fight beween france and rxxxx country , i understood the history of this war better before watch that , thank for shiwei . then today , i go back drama cca , i enjoyed myself , in the evening i went to a public speech with nili , happy haing a best friend like her , happy for learning new things from this , hopeful all of this will help me in the future ,and i can learn what i will learn from the other people ?? consider .. deep in thinking .... actually the feeling is very difficult to describe , all of them inside heart , and i am so thank god , as i have my father .......... i ........
then tml i will call my father . to tell this ... i think he will be happy
but one special thing happend to me tonight , chenyuan cried out , just as me , he called many times ,and sms me , but i never reply , he worried about me very much , however , i just said " i know u call me , but i don't have time to answer you , so chat later .." when i met him at clementi , he didnot have much emotions , i felt a little bit embrass and sorry for him , but in my heart i know i still don't like him so much ,otherwise i will be cry or ....... at least different from what i did to him this evering ,.... hehe so bad gril i were.. lose him down
this moring ,i bought a new skirt , pant and shoes , for my part time job ... happy .hopeful....
ok , aunty called me so many times already , go asleep , good night ...wangjing !!!
enjoy myself and good luck , happy everyday !!!!
i say nothing but
i know you know how i feel
Sunday, June 05, 2005
1:54 PM
wah.... so happy... now i am sitting in my bed-room, that means i am in lanzhou,, today i am so happy, there were two reasons , one is the brother wedding day !! second is father's resterant open .. == first day , i know father also happy and excited .
but i am not very happy , i felt very poor for my youngget aunty, i want to encourage her ,but i know she won't agree.... ai ....
these few days , i am extremely tired. ...
i say nothing but
i know you know how i feel
Friday, June 03, 2005
2:59 PM
wah.... yeah.. happy and excited ...
After 7hours i will fly to china , i will meet my friends, like zhang na ,qilina , and especially my whole family members .....
this morning qiqi mother comes to sinapore , qiqi so happy , hesuping is so .... i don't know how to say that words ,just look down her and don't like her deeply ,
this night i don't want to sleep acutually , but hesuping always disturb me , i know she did that , just for ,yanshi !! biaoxian ,to show qiqi;s mum how much they care about us ,
ai.. ok ,anyway i write my blog in lanzhou cu...
i say nothing but
i know you know how i feel
im waiting for the day.
wangjing
14th december
republic poly
for you to tell me.
my family especially my father
ice-cream
xjy
bws
that you love me too.
be happy everyday
study hard
